Power Rankings: Week 6

Orbit’s Woody 47 22 3 .674
Cubs Mascot Dong 46 24 2 .653 1.5
Big Bears Budder Brigade 38 30 4 .556 8.5
Flare Up Your Jung Ho 31 37 4 .458 15.5
Team W 23 44 5 .354 23
The Fighting Moles 38 30 4 .556
Team Sabermetrics 34 34 4 .500 4
Marvin’s Room 30 36 6 .458 7
Dobis PR 28 42 2 .403 11
Minnesota Twaints 26 42 4 .389 12

1. Orbit’s Woody (47-22 -3 – 1st EAST) Orbit's Woody

Last Week: 1 (W 8-4 The Fighting Moles)

Who will stop this emerging juggernaught in the East? The answer is no one if Bower continues to hit .331 with 24 dingos every week. 24 home runs being the new league mark by a significant distance. How Orbit’s Woody continues to ascend with Keuchel and Archer still figuring things out is beyond me. This week’s heros? J.D Martinez, Todd Frazier, Lorenzo Cain and young Corey Seager all hit at least 3 over the fence. It’s early, but a couple more weeks of this and Orbit will likely be rubbing that silver rocket ship all the way to the postseason. I get my shot this week. Have mercy.

2. Cubs Mascot Dong (46-24-2 – 2nd EAST) cubs mascto dong

Last Week: 3 ( W 9-3 Team Sabermetrics)

Coincidence that both of the hottest teams in the league are named after mascot’s love bones? As solid all around performance as you can put together from Cubs Mascot Dong. 74 innings and 87 K’s is about as good as it gets. Two starts from Jose, Lester and Tanaka outperformed the kitchen sink I threw at Bobby last week. Strong showing from a team I expected to start slipping a little. Statement win but injuries are in the subtext. Two very underrated bats in Logan Forsythe and Michael Brantley will be out for at least a month.

3. The Fighting Moles (38-30-4 – 1st WEST)

Last Week: 2 ( L 4-8 Orbit’s Woody)

Hard to knock the Moles for being the poor team subjected to Orbit’s Woody’s 1990’s throwback power display. Even with the loss, Brent managed to gain a game in the division. Three straight weeks with a +3.50 ERA is a little troubling for a team without much stock in closers. Sunday, Rougned Odor threw the best right hand I’ve seen on a baseball field since I beat the shit out of a sideline bench crafted from Indiana’s strongest oak. Odor is legit, let’s hope the man doesn’t keep him down too long.

Seen it a thousand times. Never going to get old.

Odor punch.gif

4. Big Bears Budder Brigade (38-30-4 – 3rd EAST)

Last Week: 4 ( W 6-5-1 Dobis PR)

Big Bear survived a somewhat down week offensively to pull out a matchup win. We’re starting to see teams figure out the best way to pitch to Bryce. Which of course is to not pitch to him. Chris Carter has started his annual downward descent, Trevor Story has to fall sometime. I think. Ian Desmond looks different, taking more walks than he ever has while hitting for power. There is enough there to survive if teams are going to stay away from Bryce but the Budder Brigade does have the streakiness trait that will hurt on the down peaks. Boom or Bust! Feels like I’ve said that before.

5. Team Sabermetrics (34-34-4 – 3rd WEST)

Last Week: 5 ( L 3-9 Cubs Mascot Dong)

Two straight weeks I haven’t been able to cash in on some big numbers and so here I am, sitting at .500, masturbating to Heidi Watney every night looking for answers. Don’t be fooled by the triple digit strikeouts, the boys let me down last week in a big way. Even a history making 20 K performance by Scherzer couldn’t get my WHIP under 1.40. 15 Starts and only 6 made it through six innings allowing less than 4 runs. Can’t get much worse before you get sent down to Triple A. No panic in my game just yet. Yu Darvish is scheduled to return at the end of the month. Geared up for number 1 this week.

6. Flare Up Your Jung Ho (31-37-4 – 4th EAST)

Last Week: 6 (W 6-5-1 Minnesota Twaints)

Slow and steady. The Tortuga way. 3 weeks of .500 baseball has Purdle lurking 7 games back from the 4 seed. But can Purdle survive with a team that strikes out more than Pete Webber gunning for his 10th major PBA title? Not out of tinder jokes just taking a break. The batting average is a growing concern, although the stats haven’t suffered, yet. The law of means says Jung Ho will see a boost here soon. The next month will tell us a lot more about this team and its king.

7. Marvin’s Room (30-36-6 – 3rd WEST)

Last Week: 7 (L 4-7-1 Team W)

13….The number of Home Runs Bower had by Thursday – or the number of RBI’s Marve logged for the entirety of last week. However you want to look at it. Another week another IMWT record broken, this one for futility. It was fun while it lasted Clayton Kershaw! Tim rents picture books longer than the time the game’s best arm spent in Marvin’s Room. The offensive struggles finally led to O’Hara’s entry into the Goldy sweepstakes and the acquisition of a Top 5 bat. It would be easy to criticize the move knowing the noise the original Kershaw trade made and considering that the estranged Mike Trout has played like Marve’s head is the baseball for the last month.. Instead, I give credit to Mike for swallowing his pride and making the necessary move to stay with the pack.

8. Dobis PR (28-42-2 – 5th WEST)

Last Week: 9 (L 5-6-1 Budder Brigade)

Back to back legitimate quality weeks on both sides of the plate earns Dobis the upgrade. This may be the league’s most underrated pitching staff. Drew Pomeranz is a real pitcher outside of Coors and Danny Salazar already looks like one of the drafts biggest steals. Chris Sale has something to be proud of for the first time in his career. If you listen closely you’ll hear Nelson Cruz’s bat starting to sizzle. Perhaps the biggest pickup of the last two weeks, Jackie Bradley Jr is the newest face of Dobis PR. The man is unconscious. Not you Jose Bautista, keep those hands up. 21 straight games with a hit. We at ESPN Deportes call that En Fuego!!!


9. Team W (23-44-5 – 5th EAST)

Last Week: 10 (W 7-4-1 Marvin’s Room)

The long climb back to respectability begins now. For two weeks Wasky was the prettiest girl at the dance and just when it looked like Peter was going to jump off the cliff with Otter, he brings in the game’s best pitchers. Clayton Kershaw changes the dynamic of Team W. Ideally, Kershaw’s starts will complement the naturally high ERA’s and WHIP’s of all those closers and we’ll see more consistent quality counting stats from here on. Don’t get me wrong, after Kershaw it’s ugly but at least the bats are still good enough without Goldy to keep Witchger competitive most weeks. And good enough for Wasky to see daylight for the first time since someone yelled at me to do power rankings.

10. Minnesota Twaints (26-42-4 – 5th WEST)

Last Week: 8 (L 5-6-1 Flare Up Your Jung Ho)

The offense has gone into a full state of sickle cell anemia. It’s hard to be a successful organization when almost half your the lineup you found digging around in the dumpster. Don’t get me wrong most of these pickups make sense, but it speaks to the talent we’re working with. It doesn’t help that Yasiel Puig looks like he’s swinging at whiffle balls in Randy Johnson’s backyard. Jean Segura and Starling Castro have been pleasant surprises. David Price made a mechanical change that is already paying dividends. There are 3 CY Young winners on this team and it’s probably past time one gets traded. If I wasn’t afraid of Cooper I would put a garage sale sign in Farrell’s yard. It will get better because Mike Trout and because it has to get better.

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