Week 16 in the year 2017 will go down in history as one of the craziest in league history. Three blockbusters last week, all involving contenders and big names. As we roar down the home stretch every move is crucial, every start separating contenders from future Toilet Bowl runners up. No Pressure.
10.) Laotian HumminaHumminas (67-117-8, 5th East)
Last Week: 9 (L 4-7-1 Sleeping Monkeys)
Although the it was a brief stay in the 9 spot, we have big news from Laos.. Just when it looked like Big Bear was ready to bury down and hibernate until next April – Malv had made it clear to the league who his keepers were, and that was it. Until this happened…
Kris Bryant and Falvey are back together again. Big Bear and his Cub reunited. The magic was tangible.
So the Humminas are on the move. This week they get their first true chance to play spoiler against playoff hopeful, Yels Bells.
9.) Sleeping Monkeys (76-105-11, 5th West)
Last Week: 10 (W 7-4-1 Laotian Humminas)
The Sleeping Monkeys had a good week. Not only did they pull out a win, Timmy Two Trades finally put down his picket sign and got some things done like a good little snowflake should.
Somehow, someway, Tim managed to navigate the bullshit, stupid ass Hizer rules to set up a future with Clayton Kershaw, Chris Archer, Jose Berrios and Mike Trout. At least for now… The trade adrenaline is still pumping, so now we have a keeper hungry Tim wandering the streets offering to “help out” contenders.
And while I hate seeing a hot contender add Lindor and Posey, at least there was some thought behind it. It must have been the week Katie didn’t have his computer.
I don’t expect last week’s offensive surge to continue. Not now that the roster is gutted. In fact, I wish I could play the Sleeping Monkeys every week until September. But I’ll just have to settle for Week 20.
Dobis PR is the next up.
8.) Cubs Mascot Dong (82-98-12, 4th East)
Last Week: 6 (L 3-8-1 Donald J Trumboners)
As expected, Bobby was a buyer during the past week’s trade frenzy. A week after acquiring Freddie Freeman, Cubs Mascot Dong landed Jose Ramirez and Bumgarner for the not so small price of Kris Bryant and Jon Lester.
Pretty ballsy to switch up the core this late in the season. But Bob was able to do so without damaging CMD’s future. Bryant is a big piece and a strong keeper, you could argue though, that Jose Ramirez is an even more valuable asset in the midst of a breakout season with an 11th round price tag.
Add in the acquisition of Madison Bumgarner and we have a Cubs Mascot Dong team much more capable on both sides of the scoreboard than they were even two weeks ago.
I’ll go out on a limb and say this is the week we see how good CMD can be. And not a moment too soon. Bob is now probably one bad week away from missing the dance for the first time in three seasons. No more room for error.
Crucial series with division leading Orbit’s Woody starts the week.
7.) Team Sabermetrics (96-90-6, 4th West)
Last Week: 5 (L 2-10 Fighting Moles)
Well here we are, a little more than a month left and two bad losses back to back has Team Sabermetrics facing a reality devoid of September baseball.
I went and got Miggy hoping to catch a hot wave at the end of the season. He’s old and beat up, but at least he’s still hitting the ball hard.
Manny Machado is running out of time to turn things around. I could really use a big month. If my stars don’t show up between now and mid August… I shudder at the thought.
I get a chance to teach Purdle a little something about strategy this week. SABERMETRICS IS DUE.
6.) Dobis PR (94-87-11, 3rd West)
Last Week: 7 (T 6-6 Marvin’s Room)
Dobis is struggling right now. The pitching staff was good enough to salvage a tie last week, but the offense isn’t where it needs to be with a little over a month left to go.
Trade week, not to be confused with Shark week, came and went. While the title is unofficial, that many big trades in such a short period of time could make it difficult to make upgrades with guys sitting back eager to see what their new toys can do.
I worry about Dobis falling back, but the boys who do business have surprised before. A two-start Chris Sale week could be what Dobis needs to revamp their title hopes.
Those pesky Sleeping Monkeys pull into the station this week.
5.) Donald J Trumboners (95-89-8, 2nd East)
Last Week: 8 (W 8-3-1 Cubs Mascot Dong)
It’s true that I have my issues with Purdleball, and those reliever wins won’t hold up, however, when it’s well executed it can actually be quite beautiful. Outside of steals, the Trumboners took every other category Purdleball is entitled to.
As much as I knock this team, and the handling of its roster, the Trumboners are loaded with keepers. The offense is understandably very, very good. Still not good enough to separate from the other elite offenses, but highly capable of a monster week all the same.
One thing I do know, Purdle is a treasure. There isn’t a more quotable, intentionally understood character in the league. He is a maverick who could argue a cardboard box into submission. Also, if I say nice things it usually helps me out the next week.
Receiving word the Trumboners may be streaming this week… Stay tuned. I’m ready for you, Steve.
Purdleball can be any fucking thing I want it to be, Cuck Lord.
4.) Yels Bells (92-89-11, 3rd East)
Last Week: 3 (L 3-8-1 Orbit’s Woody)
After two weeks on the throne, the artist formerly known as Wintanamo Clay ceded the division after taking a 3-8-1 loss to Orbit’s Woody last week.
Still, Witchger’s team is right there, just a few games off the pace for the division and the 4th seed. And as seemingly every contender has done in the last week, Wasky made moves. Wintanamo Clay became Yels Bells.
I have to be honest, I didn’t love the deal sending Kershaw away. It didn’t feel like a win now move considering the likelihood that Syndergaard gets shutdown. I would have rather seen a trade to try and add enough pitching to hold up the staff while Kershaw gets ready for the fantasy playoffs.
But anyway, adding of Arrieta was a good follow up move. There’s enough first basemen on the roster to not miss this version of Miggy. And the Kershaw trade no doubt gives the offense a solid jump in every category.
Witchger has a tendency to bounce back after a loss, this week Yels Bells looks to again reestablish themselves as the East’s top contender against the dangerous Humminas.
3.) Orbit’s Woody (95-83-14, 1st East)
Last Week: 6 (W 8-3-1 Yels Bells)
Orbit’s Woody is finally showing the signs of dominance that should trouble the other playoff hopefuls in the East.
As I’ve repeated all year, I expect this to be the 2 seed. Kluber’s strikeout prowess paired with the resurgence of Masahiro Tanaka has turned a below average staff into a rotation to be reckoned with. When Keuchel loosens up, we’re looking at team that should have no problem staying under a 1.20 WHIP, a superb number in the streaming era.
A win over Cubs Mascot Dong this week, in the first of two matchups over the next three weeks, would all but put Bob in the grave and put the East division in a stranglehold.
2.) Marvin’s Room (109-70-13, 1st West)
Last Week: 1 (T 6-6 Dobis PR)
Marvin’s Room has been at the top of the league for so long, and when you’re looking down it can be easy to get complacent. Marve hasn’t necessarily, but it’s pretty evident the rest of the league has closed the gap.
Without Springer in the lineup, it definitely takes away from Marvin’s Room’s ability to separate in runs and home runs. Luckily, four months of excellence gives Marve some padding until the dynamic outfielder gets back.
Strasburg’s injury is much more worrisome. The ace right-hander has been brittle in the past and any discomfort involving the forearm/elbow area is scary. Losing Strasburg for any extended period of time would put a major dent in this pitching staff that has wavered somewhat with Carlos Martinez’s issues.
I agree with Marve that another bat is needed. Where it comes from after the dust settles on all the blockbusters we’ve had the last two weeks, I do not know. Marve is a strong dealmaker though, so I expect any struggles these next few weeks to bring about a trade of some kind.
A stumble this week against the Moles could make the West Division veryyy interesting with a little more than a month to go.
1.) The Fighting Moles (103-81-8, 2nd West)
Last Week: 2 (W 10-2 Sabermetrics)
By early Sunday, last week’s matchup was well decided.. I cut it down to 8-3-1, but huge days from Andrew McCutcheon and Hyun Jin Ryu put the nail in a big time win. A win that will surely have playoff implications down the road.
Marvin’s Room may have the league’s best record, but it’s the Fighting Moles that are making contenders nervous. Trading Syndergaard was a smart move. Judge has earned his keeper status. In trading a big name pitcher with little value left to give this year, the Moles were able to put two very good bats in the lineup for little cost.
Adding arguably the best catcher in the league and a presumable top 5 shortstop secures the Moles’ place as a top 3 offense. But this isn’t Purdleball.. To look up on Wednesday night and see eight quality starts already on the board is a helpless feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
At this point, with the pitching racking up quality start after quality start and the offense capable of six category dominance, I can’t imagine the playoffs not including the Moles this year.
Look for the Fighting Moles to try and make a statement this week against bitter rival and division leader, Marvin’s Room.