Week 4 Recap:
Moles v Trumboners
MVP: AJ Pollock single handedly won the steals category with a ridiculous seven swipes, but most valuable player has to go to Ryan Zimmerman and his five, count em five bombs.. double digit runs, rbi’s and an earth scorching 1.654 OPS.
LVP: Can’t blame Syndergaard for trying to pitch through an injury.. Aaron Sanchez needed two K’s against the most strikeout prone team in the league and he splits his nail… calling it a day after one inning to seal Purdle’s win. Proof once again that no one cares about your fantasy team.
Marve v Saber
MVP: Trea Turner. Everyone and their bat boy went off for Marve last week but Turner stood out. A seven RBI cycle in the midst of a .400 batting week is special, even at Coors.
LVP: Jake Arrieta. If I get even a solid start from Arrieta, I’m going into the weekend in decent shape. Instead I got five earned runs and a silly 3.00 WHIP in 4.1 innings. Honorable mention to Scott Schebler who hit four home runs immediately after being dropped.
Witchger v Boner
MVP: Dallas Keuchel put in a complete game and another 7.2 innings of one run baseball to cap his two start week. Thanks Steve!
LVP: Peter’s streamers. Antonio Senzatela, Miguel Gonzalez, Jharel Cotton and Jordan Zimmerman provided nothing except pain this week.
Dong v Humminas
MVP: Miguel Sano. Three home runs and eleven RBI’s, every one needed, and an unconscious .524 batting average. Enough said.
LVP: Edwin Encarnacion has epitomized the Humminas season slow start. One lousy home run with a putrid .158 BA isn’t going to cut it in a close matchup.
Dobis v Posey
MVP: We expected Daniel Murphy to hit in Coors, we didn’t expect Chris Owings to have one of the best weeks in fantasy so far. Three dingers, double digit RBI’s and three steals with a tidy .320 BA.. that is value.
LVP: Chris Davis. Perennially one of the more frustrating owns in the game, Davis has gone ice cold. In a week where Tim needed some power, Crush Davis shit the bed.
Power Rankings: Week 4
10.) Laotian HumminaHumminas (14-31-2, 5th East)
Last week: 9 (L 5-7 Cubs Mascot Dong)
A drought has befallen the Laotian coast. The good people of Laos deserved a winner last week, but instead again found themselves sucking on mud.
Last week’s Bobfather matchup could have gone either way on Sunday. It has to take some wind out of the Humminas sails to finally get a week with above average contact, only to look across the isle and see .300 from Cubs Mascot Dong.
It’s early and we’re talking about last year’s runner up. The wins will come. Falvey has made his living swinging big time trades. Right now this is a team with too much swing and miss in its game.
9.) Kershaw Eaton Yup (19-26-3, 4th East)
Last week: 8 ( L 2-10 Orbit’s Woody)
Last week was one of those where you just need to take a baseball into the backyard and bury it.
Not because the result was as lopsided as the score suggested; being that “close” in batting with a 15 home run deficit is a feat in itself… it just feels like it’s worth giving everyone on Kershaw Eaton some closure to rally around after a really weird week.. It doesn’t have to make sense. Baseball doesn’t make sense.
I Can’t Believe It’s Butter Stat of the day: Witchger had four pitchers combine for four strikeouts over, get this.. 24.2 innings!!!! If Jered Weaver and Tim Wakefield had a kid, he would have a better K rate. Be assured, that can’t ever happen again.
Miggy is is off the DL this week to lead the bounce back against Commissioner Bobfather.
8.) The Fighting Moles (22-26, 4th West)
Last week: 4 (L 4-8 Trumboners)
Purdleball claims it’s second victim and Thor tears his golden lat on the same day. It’s a long fall from 4 to the 8 hole. The Moles have been officially transferred from the 10-Day DL to suicide watch.
Uncle will have to dig in facing what could be a long winter without his young ace to look to for warmth. The good news is, we still have a healthy dynamic offense to lean on.
Let’s just hope Diesel figures out his pitching crisis before we see him on the news getting talked down from the top of Fifth Third Arena.
Bryce Harper, Giancarlo Stanton and Anthony Rizzo. Your Uncle needs you now more than ever.
7.) Donald J Trumboners (21-25-2, 3rd East)
Last Week: 10 (W 8-4 Fighting Moles)
“THE MAINSTREAM “FAKE NEWS” MEDIA WILL TELL YOU PURDLEBALL WON’T WORK, BUT I HAVE THE BEST WORDS AND A VERY GOOD BRAIN.”
Credit where credit is due. Purdleball is winning right now, and winning bigly. The Trumboners weren’t supposed to win strikeouts, but they did. The Trumboners were supposed to crash in WHIP, they didn’t.
I will be the first to say I didn’t expect Purdle to dig his way out of the cellar, but here we are bearing witness to a two week win streak…. and we’re only in phase 1.5 people… What happens when Purdle hits the big red button and initiates phase 2? Godzilla emerges from the Pacific Ocean and breaks Barry Bonds home run record before the All-Star break? I’m holding out hope.
The smartest, most sane move Steve has made so far has been bringing ace long relievers Andrew Miller and Chris Devenski to the one inning and done party. They are the glue keeping the WHIP from exploding.
But before we get too excited, let’s slow wayy down here. If not for two freak one inning Sunday starts from Syndergaard and Aaron Sanchez, the Trumboners don’t win strikeouts, ERA, or WHIP.. If the Moles don’t sit starts during the week, 8-4 doesn’t happen.
Look at who Purdle traded away and what they’re doing, and then ask yourself, are the Trumboners winning because of Purdleball or in spite of Purdleball?
There’s luck and then there’s being the blind man in Los Angeles who unwittingly gets a handful of Kate Upton’s bosom while trying to navigate a crowded intersection.
So the question is.. is the Purdleball revolution sustainable? The answer remains, haha no.. But we might as well enjoy the ride.
6.) Yelich da Posey (19-25-4, 5th West)
Last Week: 3 ( L 3-8-1 Dobis)
Remember Tim’s terrifying first two weeks? When he almost bought himself a trophy? Things have cool off quite a bit since then. Yelich da Posey is 4-19-1 over the last two weeks.
So what’s changed? Well for one, Chris Archer and Johnny Cueto haven’t pitched like the consistent ERA, WHIP anchors they are supposed to be. And then as good as this offense is, you’re going to notice the absence of a bat like Cespedes. Also, it turns out Amir Garrett is a rookie and bleeds just like the rest of us.
Pitching, especially the quantity you get from your best starters, comes and goes in intervals. Tim is locked and loaded this week with four guys slated for two-starts against a Thor-less Moles. Not a good omen for Uncle Duncan, but it’s a fairly promising sign that we’ll get Tim’s mouth fired up again soon.
5.) Cubs Mascot Dong (23-22-3, 2nd East)
Last Week: 6 (W 7-5 Humminas)
Miguel Sano went nuclear last week to carry CMD over the Laotian Butter Bandits. Add in Kris Bryant and a nice diverse contribution in steals, and you might forget Starling Marte is still at home wasting away.
The back end of the pitching staff has to get better or CMD is going to catch another beatdown from one of these team’s recycling streamers every other day.
In the modern BCGL, where the waiver is hotter than Stove in the snake pit at the Indy 500, Bob is the zen master. Why rush to fix what isn’t broken? Patience is a virtue and Bobby has it in spades. Hopefully, the arrival of Julio Urias and his one good eye give the rotation the jump it needs.
A matchup with Witchger rounds out the last week before interleague play.
4.) Dobis PR (24-21-3, 3rd West)
Last Week: 7 (W 8-3-1 Yelich da Posey)
It’s about time we had some Dobis love. Peter Francis jumps up to the four spot thanks to some big time performances from the guys who are supposed to do the heavy lifting, and Chris Owings.
It’s nice to see Jose Abreu finally showing signs of life. At 6’3, 250, it would boggle my mind if we didn’t get another big power season from Jose. Someone needs to get him in a room with Purdle to discuss launch angles.
In other relevant news, Daniel Murphy went ham in Coors, Greinke was dominant, and Hanley is being Hanley being Manny again.
Let’s pray the power surge carries over as Dobis finishes up division play with a showdown against first place O’Hara and Eric Thames.
3.) Sabermetrics (26-21-1, 2nd West)
Last week: 1 (L 1-10-1 Gyorkin My Wong)
Already buried a baseball in my backyard next to my dead cat. We’re moving on.
Despite being down eight home runs by Wednesday, the boys still made it somewhat interesting at least. Well, actually no it never got that close on offense.
And then we have Arrieta and Scherzer giving up five a piece before the fourth inn…Nope, no not going to relive it again. We’re moving on.
My reign at #1 ended prematurely, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. Nelson Cruz is starting to do the thing he does three months a year where he hammers everything out. Also, if you listen closely you’ll hear someone starting to sizzle…. I officially declare this week Manny Machado Week. He’s going to off.
The revenge tour starts now.
2.) Marvin’s Room (29-16-3, 1st West)
Last Week: 5 (W 10-1-1 Sabermetrics)
Didn’t take long to get back.
This must be what it’s like to go to a party and wake up in Bill Cosby’s man cave. As I write this, I am still somewhat sore and disoriented. I had hoped it was all just a bad dream. Nope.. it was the worst loss in the storied history of Sabermetrics.
Now I have to live in a world where Marve gets to say things like, “You’re down 1-10-1 so sit down” in response to a benign celebration of Cody Bellinger’s first big game, and get away with it. Well, for now.
If there was a handbook called “How to get Smited by a Higher Power”, Marve would be following every bullet point in order..
You don’t think the fantasy gods hear the disrespect? They bless you with six guys posting a .1000+ OPS last week, against the defending champion no less, and all of a sudden it’s okay to post a picture mocking Thor’s injury prognosis?? You might as well take the 9-iron up to the roof of Chase Tower during a tornado warning and work on your short game.
What Marve has done over the last two weeks is nothing short of historical. Not since the days of Huxhold have we seen a more dominant two week run. And it came at my expense. I tip my cap.
See you Week 18. Mark your calendar.
1.) Orbit’s Woody (30-14-4, 1st East)
Last Week: 2 (W 10-2 Kershaw Eaton Yep
For the first time since the midway point of last season, Kevin is back sitting on the pole and I bet it feels pretty good, maybe even better than expected. Orbit’s Woody has quietly equaled Marve’s matchup dominance only with better numbers.
The offense is on fire and the pitching staff, excluding Matt Harvey’s fat ass, is living up to its pedigree. Dallas Keuchel is the on and off again ex-girlfriend that got hot late in high school, experimented with drugs and ranch freshman year of college, and then got her phd and started doing squats after graduation. Keuchel has been dominant and it looks like he’s serious about making up for sucking all those dicks last year.
Bower gets Purdle and the Revolution next week.