10.) Donald J Trumboners (103-116-9, 3rd East)
Last Week: 6 (L 1-11 Laotian HumminaHumminas)
You didn’t even have to ask, Steve.
24 K’s, 0 Quality starts with a 6.52 ERA and a 1.75 WHIP…. Purdle baby, what is you doin??
Let’s remember Purdleball for what it was… a Steve improvisation that will end up changing the rules for the better. Way to bend those rules, Maverick. RIP Purdleball.
9.) Dobis PR (101-115-12, 4th West)
Last Week: 10 (L 3-9 Sabermetrics)
It’s a shame that a strong week from Dobis PR was overshadowed by arguably the best offensive performance from any team all season. 3-9 looks bad on paper, but Dobis probably beats anyone else last week.
Peter Francis looks to put an end to a six week winless streak this week against the Trumboners.
8.) Sleeping Monkeys (96-118-14, 5th West)
Last Week: 8 (W 6-4-2 Marvin’s Room)
We almosttt got the 4-4-4 tie that I anticipated… almost. Sleeping Monkeys took down Marvin’s Room last week thanks to the first week of the season where both Rougned Odor and Chris Davis hit over .300.
As Tom has made very clear, this week is his super bowl. The chance to say he won against me is the only reason he still exists. It’s like IU football going 1-11 but beating Purdue and calling the season a win. Tom needs this so people will think he’s still relevant. For perspective, there is no chance Tom doesn’t go outside at some point today and stare directly into the sun.
I gave Max Scherzer and Yu Darvish the week off, which should tell you all you need to know about how I feel going into this matchup. Of course, anything could happen. It’s baseball. But you have to think the fantasy gods won’t reward Tim and his dirty mouth with any satisfaction this season.
7.) Laotian HumminaHumminas (90-127-11, 5th East)
Last Week: 8 (W 11-1 Trumboners)
Cubs Mascot Dong… Trumboners…. And now the Humminas have Orbit’s Woody in the scope. Malvey has been out of it for awhile, but another win this week and Big Bear will have made his presence felt this season in a big way.
The winds of momentum are stirring towards a 2018 run.
6.) Cubs Mascot Dong (98-115-15, 4th East)
Last Week: 7 (W 6-5-1 Orbit’s Woody)
The only thing more fun than seeing Kings of Leon sing that one song live is posting a full week of .300 baseball. CMD is out but Bobby is getting his money’s worth.
Witchger needs a big win this week, Cubs Mascot Dong stands in his the way.
5.) Marvin’s Room (122-91-15, 2nd West)
Last Week: 5 (L 4-6-2 Sleeping Monkeys)
Fuck that nigga that you love so bad
I know you still think about the times we had
I say fuck that nigga that you think you found
And since you picked up I know he’s not around
Marve took the West for granted and let it slip through his fingers. Brent gave her the side eye and now she doesn’t know if she wants to be with someone who would veto a fair trade and talk shit about it anymore.
Marvin’s Room is in the playoffs, but there’s a chance they could fall as far down as the #4 seed by the time it’s all said and done.
The Moles are coming… they are at the gates.. The Moles are coming…
4.) Yels Bells (108-103-17, 2nd East)
Last Week: 4 (L 3-5-4 Fighting Moles)
If Ivan Nova has a clean 6th inning, Witchger wakes up today two games back of Orbit’s for the East. That’s how baseball goes. Yels’ is at the point where every single category matters.
Making up four games is very doable. Wask doesn’t need to throw a perfect game to get there, but it’s going to take at least a 8-inning shutout to punch Yels Bells ticket to the dance.
Champions step up when it matters most. We find out a lot about Witchger’s heart and character this week against Cubs Mascot Dong.
Also, if that dog wasn’t taking a shit, he was executing every step necessary other than pushing. Just maybe watch your step next time you’re in the yard.
3.) Orbit’s Woody (113-100-15, 1st East)
Last Week: 3 (L 5-6-1 Cubs Mascot Dong)
365 days ago, Orbit’s Woody was in an eerily similar situation. Here we are again, two weeks to go nursing a four game lead…. This is your moment Boner.
2.) Team Sabermetrics (122-99-7, 3rd West)
Last Week: 2 (W 9-3 Dobis PR)
I’ll say what’s on everyone’s mind.. Nobody wants to play Sabermetrics in the playoffs. There isn’t a hotter offense in baseball. Barring a monumental collapse, I will have a chance to defend my title.
It’s terrible to not have my two top aces available for Tim week but in the long run, I just need them healthy come September.
1.) The Fighting Moles (123-92-13, 1st West)
Last Week: 1 (W 5-3-4 Yels Bells)
The Moles haven’t lost in a month and now find themselves atop the best division in baseball.
Does it get any better than a Week 20 matchup with the West division and the #1 seed on the line? Marve has gone quiet lately, only resorting to passive aggressive text message likes and laughs.. don’t let him off the hook, Uncle.