10.) Laotian HumminaHumminas (73-122-9, 5th East)
Last Week: 10 (W 6-5-1 Yels Bells)
It’s official, Big Bear is woke. The Laotian Humminas have been radicalized in the jungle and are now intent on blowing things up.
Falvey has chummed the water for trades and the contenders are circling. As we speak, I’m researching how much it costs to send hermanaki wings across the pacific.
Big Bear looks to continue his chaos tour this week against a Boris squad desperate for a win.
9.) Dobis PR (95-98-11, 4th West)
Last Week: 6 (L 1-11 Sleeping Monkeys)
Uh oh. Last season’s nightmare is rapidly becoming this season’s reality. Dobis is reeling. Last week’s loss has the former power rankings #1 in a 10-38 spiral over their last four weeks.
Times are tough. The offense has plummeted and the pitching hasn’t been enough to pull out of this untimely nose dive. It feels like it’s been 30 donut themed shows since Dobis went on that nine week tear.
If Dobis PR is truly a contender, they may need to add an immediate impact bat before it’s too late and Peter Francis has to start laying people off.
Make or break this week against the also on fire but in the good way Fighting Moles.
8.) Sleeping Monkeys (87-106-11, 5th West)
Last Week: 9 (W 11-1 Dobis PR)
I didn’t expect to be writing this after the Thor trade but the Monkeys are on the up having won their last two matchups convincingly.
Do I think this recent surge lasts? Nope, counting down the days until August 21st.. We’re seeing guys like Rougned Odor and Chris Davis do things that were bound to happen eventually. If only it was sustainable.
I respect the hustle though. It looked like the Monkeys were dead in the water just a few weeks ago. Tim’s blessing and curse is his inherent need to annoy and disrupt. The league is better when the cellar dwellers are keeping contenders honest.
This week the Sleeping Monkeys has an opportunity do some serious damage to Witchger’s playoffs hopes.. and maybe spark their own? (😈)
7.) Cubs Mascot Dong (88-104-12, 4th East)
Last Week: 8 (T 6-6 Orbit’s Woody)
Last week’s performance was solid, but sadly a big Sunday from Woody undid CMD’s chance to start making up ground. The clock is ticking for Boris.
Freddie Freeman is as advertised. It was Freeman, Charlie Blackmon and Brian Dozier who put up the numbers last week. We all remember Dozier’s 28 home run second half last year.. If Dong can get something similar down the stretch, a miracle run up the East ladder isn’t out of the question.
Bobby Dong has entered must win territory. We’ll find out what CMD is made of this week facing a Big Bear fresh out of hibernation. Do it for Booger.
6.) Donald J Trumboners (97-98-9, 3rd East)
Last Week: 5 (L 2-9-1 Sabermetrics)
When Purdleball is leading ERA and WHIP going into Sunday.
Last week was a setback for the Purdleballers. Thank god too, I couldn’t live out the season with that 10-2 embarrassment in Week 6 hanging over my head.
The offense, other than a prodigious run total, was flat awful in Week 17. Or in the words of the Trumboner’s namesake, “The greatest performance maybe that anyone’s ever seen”. Really though, this team has no chance hanging with anyone when the offense is in the .220’s until Sunday.
If not for a few clutch streams, last week could have been a whole lot worse. Proud of you, Purd. Welcome to 2017. Also climate change is real.
Minsky may not know who’s on Brent’s Team. He may not know who’s on his own team.. But one thing he should know – Another week like the last and he can kiss that championship prophecy goodbye.
If the Trumboners want to prove the world wrong, they will need a win this week against Orbit’s Woody to keep things interesting.
5.) Yels Bells (97-95-12, 2nd East)
Last Week: 4 (L 5-6-1 Laotian Humminas)
Wee ooo wee ooo.. Your move, Purdle.
Fact is, every now and then someone is going to run into a big Falvey week. Bells had the pleasure of fighting back from a big early week deficit to salvage a 5-6-1 decision.
The story of Yels Bells week.. alright the more I write it the more I don’t know if I feel the new name. Maybe it’s because it feels like the title of an AC/DC children’s book. Or maybe I just liked Wintanamo Clay. I don’t know. But anyway, the story of last week was a couple of Dodgers doing most of the work, and a near perfect streaming performance.
Chris Taylor and Cody Bellinger combined for half of Yels’ power total. And nobody threw more innings (105.2) than Witchger’s boys. They were good innings too, it speaks to Falvey’s Week that the Humminas were able to match Bells’ 10 quality starts.
Only 5 games off the playoff pace, Wasky will need more nearly flawless pitching weeks to keep up with Sabermetrics. Yels Bells is the better team this week, but the Sleepy Monkeys are coming in hot. We’ll see if Pete can take care of business.
4.) Sabermetrics (105-92-7, 3rd West)
Last Week: 7 (W 9-2-1 Trumboners)
There we go. That’s the kind of week I needed. The 4th seed is mine again with strangely little resistance.
I’m confident, but I would be a lot more confident if this were 2012. I need a strong finish from Miggy, Cargo and Yoenis if I’m going to make a serious run.
Manny Machado is heating up and I’m feeling a whole lot better about my playoff chances after last week.
I get Marve in the first of two big matchups to close the regular season. Can’t wait.
3.) Orbit’s Woody (101-89-14, 1st East)
Last Week: 3 (T 6-6 Cubs Mascot Dong)
The division lead sits at five. Woody’s huge Sunday made sure CMD didn’t get any games back. #Puigyourfriend
Joey Votto and Elvis Andrus are tearing it up. I’m still getting used to this roster without Freddie Freeman. Corey Kluber has been worth the price so far, his dominance has transformed this roster.
Some of the ancillary arms around Kluber need to pick it up. Looking at you Carlos and Dallas.. but Bower has to be happy where he’s at with a month left.
Next up: Purdle and his streamers.
2.) Marvin’s Room (114-77-13, 1st West)
Last Week: 2 (L 5-7 Fighting Moles)
Time and time again, Marvin’s Room has risen to any challenge. This time however, the opposition was a worthy match.
Even though the offense was stellar last week, at this point Marve has to know the Moles are his equal, even with Springer back. This puts pressure on Marvin’s Room to add a big bat.
Marve can get a deal done if he really wants it. We’ve seen it before. It’s just a matter of what pieces this roster can afford to give up.
The problem with getting a bat though is, Marvin’s Room has gone through some trials and tribulations with the pitching staff lately. Marve is elite when Carlos Martinez and Marcus Stroman pitch like aces. That hasn’t been the case over the last few weeks.
Strasburg comes back for a Sunday start and unfortunately for me, there are excellent matchups all over the board this week for Marvin’s Room.
With Sabermetrics coming off a strong week, Marve should get his money’s worth against the three time West division champ.
1.) The Fighting Moles (110-86-8, 2nd West)
Last Week: 1 (W 7-5 Marvin’s Room)
There was a time when the Moles were hopeless. Now it seems like they can’t be stopped. My only disappointment with last week was that there wasn’t more shit talk.
Keeping Giancarlo in the second round has paid off and then some. Even Scherzer couldn’t avoid a Giancarlo Stanton smash. Somehow, this roster boasts both the NL and AL home run leaders.
There’s been some chirping about the Moles’ lack of a true ace (Paxton just a notch below). I’m guilty of the same sentiment. The truth is though, when you punt saves, you can still overwhelm with quality starters and sheer volume. And the Moles put the quality in quality start.
Dobis comes in this week as a heavy underdog. Already off to another hot start, Uncle Brent and his Moles still have plenty of time left to make a run at the top seed.