EAST VS WEST Debate
It’s the debate of our time. East vs West, Bad Boy vs Death Row, Purdle vs the World. And while overall statistics can help us assess the teams that may be underperforming or overperforming their record, in the H2H strategy format, there’s no advantage to piling on stats if only to impress in Purdle’s statistical analysis. It’s the H2H record, the seven day chess match for 12 categories, where we ultimately judge a team’s successes and failures. That battle goes to the West and has for the better part of the last three years.
Build that resumé, King Purdle.
10) Laotian Humminas (34-79-7, 5th East)
Last Week: 10 ( T 6-6 Team Sabermetrics)
Let me just make sure it’s clear, this isn’t a 34-win offense with a healthy Josh Donaldson manning the hot corner. So, if you think the Humminas are going to hand over 10-2 weeks because their record looks like the halftime score of a UConn Women’s basketball game, you might want to reconsider.
Coming into the season, this looked like a pitching staff that went five deep. 2017 has been anything but kind to Justin Verlander and Kyle Hendricks. The good news? Madbum is rehabbing like the maniac he is. He’ll be back soon, and when he is, don’t be surprised if the Humminas spend the second half of the season getting their respect back.
Falvey gets some bonus points for penetrating a Thai woman’s asshole with his foot Friday night… Is that 3rd base? I don’t see it in the rulebook. Unfortunately it wasn’t enough to move up this week but I like the effort.
9.) Yelich da Posey (51-62-7, 5th West)
Last Week: 9 (W 6-5-1 Orbit’s Woody)
Looking at the roster, I don’t know how Tom is going to hang on with a batting average below .260.
Tom needs a rebuild post Trout, and Archer is the bait that lands the big bat. I like to hear the Twaints are going after a guy like Stanton because at this point, the smart play is to embrace the low average and hope to ride the long ball into some strong OPS weeks.
This is Tim’s second year in the shark tank.. The big time. There’s no Calhoun to rape in this league. We’ll see what a little peer pressure can do towards getting Brent to hit accept on a trade for one of his family members. Clock is ticking Timmy.
8.) Cubs Mascot Dong (51-61-8, 4th East)
Last Week: 7 (L 2-10 Marvin’s Room)
“Heyyuhh Bob again, saw you went into the other room… Yeah, no I’m still in your house.. Yeah did you see the five trades I just sent you?”
Haha if you’re phone rings this week, it’s probably Bob with plans for your shiniest arm. In fact, if you don’t have a trade proposal from Cubs Mascot Dong, it just means you aren’t networking hard enough.
Riding a season long 1.44 WHIP, CMD is at or near the bottom of every pitching category. If I’m looking for an arm, Orbit’s Woody, Marvin’s Room, Yelich da Posey and Sabermetrics are the doors I’m knocking on. In fact, I’m playing with some offers as we speak, Bobby.
For the rest of the league, Charlie Blackmon may not be available, but Zack Cozart is right up there on the hits leaderboard. I know a few people that need help at middle infield, Cubs Mascot Dong is your one stop shop.
7.) Team Sabermetrics (62-55-3, 3rd West)
Last Week: 6 (T 6-6 Humminas)
Last week was again disappointing. Shooters shoot though, and it’s time to look to the future. After a series of deals, Sabermetrics is finally at full strength. Cespedes and Justin Turner should be full go this week.
Just in time too, Orbit’s Woody comes to town this week. I’m going to need every hit I can get. A rough week and Marvin’s Room could run off with the division. A lot hangs on this matchup.
6.) Wintanamo Clay (55-58-7, 3rd East)
Last Week: 8 ( W 10-1-1 Fighting Moles)
It wasn’t all perfect – a 1/5 QS performance on Sunday left a tie on the board, but you have to say last week’s 10-1-1 over the Moles was one of the season’s most impressive performances.
I’ve talked about the offense, a week of .300 baseball is a good feeling.. And that’s with Miggy still shaking off some nagging injuries. The real story though, and one of my favorite topics every week, is Wintanamo Clay’s pitching.
Peter’s dice game is starting to translate. I count seven starts from guys that qualify as “streamers”, and those nine wins tell you Peter will be back at the table this week.
Last week’s dominance catapults Wintanamo Clay back into contention. This week Peter has a chance to take down Marvin’s Room, the top team in the West. Do it for Purdle. Gang, gang.
5.) Trumboners (60-57-3, 2nd East)
Last Week: 4 (L 5-6-1 Dobis PR)
As everyone should know by now, I’m watching the Trumboners very closely. They take a step back this week for this reason:
When a team is punting three categories, the other categories have to hold more weight. While I love the steady home run totals, the Trumboners are starting to feel the absence of Jonathan Villar and AJ Pollock in the steals column. Yes, steals fluctuate, but if the Trumboners can’t count steals as an advantage, they’re left counting on a complete sweep everyone else.
The league is more even now than it has ever been. Three or four teams put up huge offensive stats every week. Now, the Trumboners may be the most consistent putting up these numbers, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t vulnerable to a week like the last where Dobis hits .300 with 60 RBI’s. 5-6-1 was fortunate.
And now McCullers is out. Steve is looking at one start next week and maybe 20 innings. Purdleball!
4.) Fighting Moles (58-54-8, 4th West)
Last Week: 2 (L 1-10-1 Wintanamo Clay)
The Moles ran into an ambush last week at Wintanamo Clay. It was a shootout, both teams maxed out their pickups. But for one of just a few times this season, the Moles didn’t have the firepower to hold up against Peter’s avalanche of streamers.
Everyone runs into a big week every now and then. This week we’ll find out more on what David Price and James Paxton are going to be going forward. If Price flops, don’t be surprised to see a big trade from the Moles. Don’t look now but Aaron Judge may have replaced Giancarlo as the twinkle in Uncle’s eye.
Speaking of The Judge. 24th round keeper. You have to think that opens up one of Brent’s four horses for a trade. Just putting that out into the network.
Moles will look to bounce back this week against the Humminas.
3.) Dobis PR (62-49-9, 2nd West)
Last Week: 5 (W 6-5-1 Trumboners)
Blue collar, with the swagger of your neighborhood prizza boy. Dobis just gets it done.
Another quality start would have been nice, but we’ll take that .300 average and .870 OPS to the bank every day of the week.
Last week was more than just Dobis vs Trumboners, it was Tupac landing a body blow on Biggie from the grave. Dobis is thriving and so is the West.
History says this week may be a let down offensively. With Chris Sale poised to get really pissed off in Philadelphia, it may not matter. Bobby Network up next.
2.) Orbit’s Woody (60-50-10, 1st East)
Last Week: 4 (L 5-6-1 Yelich da Posey)
Why does Orbit’s Woody move up after a loss? Because the offense is on another planet right now. That’s three of the past four weeks over .300 and a season average at a cool .290.
The rest of us not named Tony Gwynn, would be thrilled with a .280 week. Bower hits .280 on a bad day. Which makes bringing my season .252 average matchup almost embarrassing.
Keuchel experiencing some neck issues is a concerning and a big blow to one of the pillars of Orbit’s pitching staff. I still don’t think the pitching staff is as bad as they’ve been.
Orbit’s takes on a Sabermetrics team at full strength, if they’re going to outmatch me on the pitching side, Masahiro Tanaka has to nail his two starts this week against two easy matchups. What could go wrong??
Update: Home run on the board as of 7:12.
1.) Marvin’s Room (72-40-8, 1st West)
Last Week: 1 (W 10-1-1 Cubs Mascot Dong)
Could this be the year Marvin’s Room finally takes the West Division? We’re trending that way. Marve’s club flexed some muscle last week, putting down a strong start to the week from Cubs Mascot Dong with maybe the most dominant pitching week we’ve seen so far this season.
Statistically, Marvin’s Room has no weakness. That’s as fun for me to write as it is for anyone other than Marve to read.
Marve can see his goal in sight, another strong month and he’s planning for a playoff run. Let’s hope that counts as a jinx.
Wintanamo Clay coming off a big win, gets the next shot at the league’s top team as we round the season’s midpoint.