BCGL 2017 Preseason Rankings

 

I’ll let Uncle Brent sum up draft weekend the way only he can – with a beautiful poem.​

 

We rented an entire fucking boat!!!!

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RANKINGS 

10.) The Appendage is BACK

And with the first pick of the 2017 BCGL draft….. Dubbs went and shocked the world. A TE already in the pocket, Dubbies made Rob Gronkowski the most expensive flex in the BCGL. After all it’s a tight end league, we just live in it.

The problem with doubling up on a Tight End early though, is that it’s more than likely going to leave you devoid of top talent at the more premier positions. For Dublin, I think passing on a top flight receiver with the first pick is going to come back to hurt in the long run.

The good: Going RB-RB in Rounds 2-3 put Dubbies back on track. Dalvin Cook gives The Appendage some badly needed sexiness. Also, my sources tell me Ty Montgomery spent the summer bulking up, which could lead to goal line carries and thus mega fantasy upside in a good offense.

The great: Dubbs. If not for Witchger’s extensive contributions, Dubbs runs away with the MVP. Looking over to see Dubbs call himself a fade route in the pool, then go up and get a Coors Light at it’s highest point, and all in one motion pouring it all over himself while consuming more than the recommended amount of pool water on the way down, was a gift that keeps on giving. I’m buying all the Dubbs stock as post-hype breakout this year.

Best Value: Ty Montgomery, Round 5

Worst Value: Gronk, Round 1

Draft Grade: C

Season Prediction: 4-9

9.) Hung like a Horse

There are few draft traditions quite like Witchger saying WHO THE FUCK IS THAT after every pick past the fifth round. Don’t be fooled though, Peter is the Mr. Magoo of the BCGL. He might fall down the stairs a few times in the process, but under the shroud of senility lies a capable tactician.


Wask lucked out having a true WR1 fall to him at pick 5. Jordy Nelson shouldn’t have been there. But he was, and it that opened the door for Hung like a Horse to put together a solid WR 1-2 with Doug Baldwin.

It’s going to take some getting used to, but Marshawn Lynch is playing football again after taking a year off to live in the wild with Bear Grylls. Worth a YouTube. But he’s in a great situation in Oakland and both he and Carlos Hyde could take huge jumps with strong first week.

I don’t love the depth though.. I’m not sure there’s another startable player on the bench right now. I see Hung surprising out of the gate and then losing steam once the Bye weeks hit. Prove me wrong, Witchger.

Best Value: Jack Doyle, Round 16

Worst Value: Kyle Rudolph, Round 5

Draft Grade: C

Season Prediction: 5-8

8.) Bell Me Blazer

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Chaos is a ladder – Timothy Farrell

This isn’t your typical Tarrell team. Nobody gets out of bed excited to see Isiah Crowell in the starting lineup, but he was absolutely a value pick and could provide a steady supply of one-yard touchdowns behind an elite offensive line. Gooo Browns!

I’m somewhat pessimistic of Bell Me Blazer though, not because of Crowell, but because we have no idea what Sammy Watkins, Brandon Marshall and Keenan Allen are going to be this year. Each one of those names carries risk as great as their upside.

I rolled the dice on Watkins and Allen last year and my season was at St. Vincent’s undergoing multiple surgeries by Week 3. I actually do like Keenan to bounce back this year, but I won’t be surprised if Jamison Crowder ends up passing two of those three on the depth chart.

Tim needs more than a few things to fall his way as there are some sizable holes in this lineup on Day One. We’ve seen Tarrell weasel out of precarious RB situations in the past and with elite talents like Julio Jones and Le’Veon Bell capable of 30 point weeks, anything is possible.

Really though, I’ll say whatever it takes to get Farrell to quit baseball.

Best Value: Russell Wilson, Round 10

Worst Value: Kirk Cousins, Round 9

Draft Grade: C

Season Prediction: 5-8

7.) Otter

Heyy Otter, how about we cool it on the rape jokes, huh? For instance, when you say “Ben raped a girl behind the pool house”.. you know, some people might take that in not a good way. Maybe not a good look for your good buddy Ben. Plus everyone knows I’m a hands stuff guy anyway. #ConsensualHandStuff

You were missed draft weekend, Bernie. Your surrogate did a fine job but he couldn’t replace your mustache or liberal wit.

I love the Terrelle Pryor pick, which I understand was by your request. Because fuck it, why not chase some crazy upside at WR2.

The rest of the roster is very solid, possibly pound for pound the deepest bench in the league when you talk about guys who could help right now.

Best Case Scenario: Terrelle Pryor emerges as the next Calvin Johnson, taking screen passes 80 yards to the house and dominating red zone targets.. Dak Prescott without Zeke commits to throwing two jump balls to Dez Bryant every time the ‘Boys are inside the 10 yard line.. Amir Abdullah stays healthy for 16 games.. and Martavis Bryant finally breaks out as Big Ben’s second favorite target.

Worst Case Scenario: Terrelle Pryor sleeps with Kirk Cousins’ wife and they spend all season trying to find their chemistry… Dak Prescott takes a step back and the Cowboys run power left 50 times a game.. Amir Abdullah is spotted in a walking boot after Week 5… and Martavis Bryant gets randomly drug tested after Drank Danks and Skanks IV at Le’Veon Bell’s house.

Last year’s co-champ enters 2017 loaded with potential, until we see that potential however, I have to rate them with a hint of skepticism.

Best Value: Amir Abdullah, Round 7

Worst Value: Jameis Winston, Round 9

Draft Grade: B

Season Prediction: 6-7

6.) Booby Irish

Bob likes to keep it simple. Lock in RB2, take the golden boy Aaron Rodgers, and then go safe at WR2. Nice, we like it too.

Bobby did win the Bilal Powell sweepstakes, snagging what figures to be the Jets goal line back a full two rounds lower than his ADP. Not a good sign for his trade value, but certainly a value pick if there is one, especially if the Jets decide to move/cut Matt Forte.

After that though, we really don’t know what to expect from potential flex options like Eric Decker and Eddie Lacy, who literally gets a bonus if he shows up to camp weighing less than an offensive lineman. I could see Adam Thielen ending up as the best option off this bench.

To me this is a “safe” team with a high floor. I don’t know that the position talent is there to push for a title. I think it’s going to take some matchup luck to get this team to seven wins. Vegas has Booby Irish at 6.5 wins this year and I’m going to take the Under. Go ahead and put it on the bulletin board, Bobby.

Best Value: Bilall Powell, Round 8

Worst Value: Aaron Rodgers, Round 2

Draft Grade: B-

Season Prediction: 6-7

5.) Hizer

Kareem Hunt. Kareem Hunt in the 5th round. While I’m admittedly higher than most on Adrian Peterson as an all-generation talent in his early 30’s moving into a goal line focused role.. that doesn’t keep me from the nightmare I have every night knowing 15 times out of 10 I call Kareem Hunt’s name with pick #57 if I know Spencer Ware is hurt. That one hurts. Let’s call it Internetgate.

Lol so, looking past that egregious mistake, here’s how the rest of the draft shook out:

With blue chippers David Johnson and AJ Green already holding down RB1 and WR2… I decided to go contrarian and buy DeAndre Hopkins in Round 2. Now already, we’re in scary familiar territory but I’m going to choose to believe the talent wins out now that Brocket ship isn’t there to chuck the ball into the stands on third downs.

I took Crabtree fairly early as a safety pick in the third. I came in planning to pair his TD prowess with Derek Carr if he was there.. In the 4th I took the best TE not named Gronk, and then from here I’m just looking to solidify RB2… Adrian Peterson in the 5th. Doug Martin in the 6th. Rob Kelley went later as a safety net. And there it is.

Rarely do I feel less enthused about a draft performance. I’m not sure I’m going to get much help from my bench which is usually my staple.

That said, if DeAndre Hopkins hits and I can get solid production at RB2, I’m expecting to be a formidable starting lineup if Muscle Hamster ever comes back. I’m giving myself the benefit of the doubt in my season prediction.. As always this could all go very wrong, starting with a hurricane pushing Doug Martin’s return back and Ezekiel Elliot getting the nod to play week one.

Best Value: Rob Kelley, Round 7

Worst Value: Adrian Peterson, Round 5

Draft Grade: C-

Season Prediction: 7-6

4.) Wags

I’ve had a lot fun writing terrible things about Waggoner’s teams throughout the years. There will be no bulletin board material this year. Looking at this roster, I have to agree with Hilger, this may be the best draft Grant has had since the early 2010’s.

DeMarco should be well fed this year as the focal point of a run first offense, and then with TY, Brandin Crooks, Kelvin Benjamin and Devante Adams you have what should be one of the more dynamic receiving cores in the league. Gillislee too, could end up as this year’s Legarrette Blount if he earns the goal line carries in New England. Add in a top 3 tight end (when healthy) Jordan Reed, and DeMarco Rubio has a chance to get out of the gate hot.

So even though Waggoner shared his location with his girlfriend while at a strip club in Lafayette, and came back to the house looking like a stripper had just jacked the soul out of him… I’m still going to give Wags a nice high grade to start the 2017 season.

Best Value: Devante Adams, Round 7

Worst Value: Sha’Quoia Jackson Ivy Tech Lafayette, Round 17

Draft Grade: A-

Season Prediction: 7-6

3.) Hilgey

I’m excited to see what 2017 brings for my relationship with the commissioner. Now that we’re a full year removed from Keeper Passover, the night I forgot to put goat’s blood outside my door as per the rules costing me the life of my first born son.. I can finally stop being a whiny fag in the group text every time someone says 2016. It feels good to get those chains off.

Hilger came in with the best receivers, so we knew it was going to be RB early and often. It went: Christian McCaffrey went in Round 2, followed by Joe Mixon in the 3rd and the steal of the draft, Kareem Hunt to round out the backfield in the 5th.

We should say that rarely do rookies live up to the hype. For every Zeke Elliot and Todd Gurley, there are many more Melvin Gordon, TJ Yeldon, and Carlos Hyde meh debuts. Mixon in particular, comes with some risk. So while I’m excited about this team’s potential, history tells me to be careful with lofty projections.

How about this though.. Fuck history. If Christian McCaffrey can manage 20 touches a game and Andrew Luck somehow plays 14 games as a top 5 quarterback, this is my pick to have the 150 point week. Joey Hilger is back for another run at the title.

Best Value: Kareem Hunt, Round 5

Worst Value: Joe Mixon, Round 3

Draft Grade: B

Season Prediction: 7-6

2.) Team Young

If you buy Andy Dalton as a bounce back candidate, this is top to bottom as good a starting lineup as anyone can roll out right now. While you could argue that the elite no doubt top 5 guys aren’t there, you’re not going to see many flexes with more upside than Todd Gurley.

If we see Amari Cooper continue his evolution this year, and Alshon Jeffery steps into Philadelphia and becomes the target monster he was always destined to be.. Baby baby. Give us a healthy Tyler Eifert and we’re going to have a happy Uncle come January.

That’s before mentioning the criminally underrated Mark Ingram, and two receivers with elite upside in DeVante Parker and Tyreek Hill on the bench.

Of course there’s always a chance one of the one-year wonders – Jordan Howard or Jay Ajayi busts, and/or Alshon Jeffery gets his lower leg amputated.. but a bountiful bench should more than help to mitigate any unforeseen setbacks with the starting group.

Best Value: Mark Ingram, Round 7

Worst Value: Tyler Eifert, Round 5

Draft Grade: A

Season Prediction: 7-6

1.) King Purdle

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Purdle wasted no time taking Zeke off the board. Not every team was equipped to shoulder Elliott’s suspension like last year’s (co) champ. Thanks to the luxury of owning two elite late round keepers, Purd was able to immediately plug Leonard Fournette into his second RB spot while Zeke serves his time. Great for Purdle, not good for the rest of the BCGL.

If you’re looking for a running back, Better Be Wearing Jimmy’s is flush. When Zeke comes back we’re going to be looking at a lineup with Leonard “The NFL is Easy” Fournette at flex. Yikes. And then you have a bench carrying value backs like CJ Anderson and the forgotten Jeremy Hill. Purdle was even able to grab highly regarded handcuff Tevin Coleman in the process.

The only weakness you might point to is at WR2. We just don’t know if the touchdowns will be there for Emmanuel Sanders, who again though, comes at a great value. Just imagine for a second if Allen Robinson bounces back as a top 15 receiver this year.

So, like it or not Purdle is king. Draft weekend not only solidified Stove as a legitimate threat to repeat as co-champ, it also served as the perfect arena for Purdle to reveal himself as a deceptively skilled ninja warrior. The league is on notice.


Best Value: CJ Anderson, Round 6

Worst Value: Ben Roethlisberger, Round 10

Draft Grade: A

Season Prediction: 9-4

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