10.) Marseille Mmmalvey’s (46-91-7, 5th East)
Forget Kris Bryant, the Mmmalvey’s haven’t won a matchup since April.
At this point Falvey’s chances of making the playoffs this year are about the same as the United States’ odds of winning the World Cup. Which makes me very sad because I expected big things.
N’abandonne pas. N’abandonne jamais.
9.) Cubs Mascot Dong (55-79-10, 4th East)
Bobby Network is in a rhythm. It feels like any day we could check the transaction board and see that CMD has signed up for another summer blockbuster.
The most recent trade added two very solid bats to Cubs Mascot Dong’s collection. However, HR’s and strikeouts will continue to plague CMD.
Do you Snell what the Hize is cooking Bobbyyyy
*Stand for applause*
8.) Donald J Trumboners (66-75-3, 3rd East)
6-30-2… That is the Trumboners record in Wins, Quality Starts and Strikeouts this year.
Don’t worry though Purdle, Johnny Cueto and his 89mph fastball will be back soon lmao.
Be a man, Steve!
7.) Sleeping Monks (64-74-6, 5th West)
Since the last writeup, the Sleeping Monks have flipped Kershaw and Ohtani/Berrios… andd totally rebuilt their roster!
The Kershaw trade took some heat but I didn’t mind it as much. I actually thought it was a good example of how to do a 1 for 3 and get value.
And then, Tim somehow turned an injured Shohei Ohtani and Jose Berrios into Stephen Strasburg, Syndergaard and Cody Bellinger, in a trade that almost certainly gets vetoed two seasons ago. “Yeah but Ohtani is going to bat in three months!”. Lol you have me to thank for that getting through the angry mob, Tarrell.
It seems like if I just lay into The Sleeping Monks every 4-5 weeks or so, Tim may just hang around a bit longer.
Yeah, the West just got a whole lot better.
6.) Ohtani Taco Yel (72-65-7, 2nd East)
“Shohei Ohtani has just been traded to.. Yels Bells!!!”
Last week, in one of the more surprising trades I can remember, Witchger poured a big ol glass of whiskey and sent Bellinger, Strasburg AND Noah Syndergaard packing.
Wow. Well but wait, let’s see what they got back: Marwin Gonzalez… Didi Gregorious, Jose Berrios and Shohei Ohtani nursing a Grade 2 UCL injury.
So let’s break it down – Did Taco Yel get better on offense? Hmm Didi’s been good lately after a horrid May but he doesn’t have near the upside of Bellinger. “Yeah but Ohtani hit 5 home runs in April and now he can focus on hitting!” Lol do we really think the Angels are going to let their 100 million dollar investment bat every day with a badly sprained elbow? The answer is no.
Okay but did Taco Yel’s pitching get better? In the short term, yes. Berrios is very good and a legitimate keeper in the 20th round. But as soon as Strasburg and Syndergaard come back, and they will, we’re talking about replacing two tier 2 aces with one ace in tier 3. There is an 80% chance Shohei Ohtani doesn’t pitch again this year. If he is getting TJ surgery, which Witchger didn’t wait to find out, he might not go in the first 20 rounds next year’s draft, eliminating him from keeper consideration…
This was Witchger’s best chance in five years to make the postseason, and for whatever reason one night he decided to take a massive gamble on a guy with an injured elbow.
One more thing, Taco Yel and the Fighting Moles tied eachother with 0 saves last week. Right after praising Pete’s aptitude for in-week strategy, Taco passed up a taking a free category and played the Moles at their game with a depleted pitching staff… smh.
Yel’s grip on the 4th seed continues to slip away.
5.) Marvin’s Room (65-72-7, 4th West)
Marvin’s Room historic resurgence suffered it’s first setback last week, falling 5-7 to the Trumboners.
Doesn’t matter. Eventually, talent rises to the top. Alex Bregman’s emergence adds another dangerous bat to an already impressive roster.
In two weeks, we could have as many as five teams within a few games of the #4 seed. Vegas will have Marvin’s Room as the favorite to come out of the group stage and play into September.
Oh did I mention the West is loaded?
4.) Dobis PR (70-68-8, 3rd West)
Orbit’s Woody ransacked the Dobis offices last week but credit to Peter Francis for going out and adding a weapon with bigtime strikeout upside in Robbie Ray.
Eddie Rosario has made it known he wants to be the face of this franchise. This is the most talented Dobis team we’ve seen probably ever seen.
The margin for error is going to be razor thin down the stretch. As is tradition, Dobis is being overlooked. They have the peripherals to make a strong case for the 4 seed. I expect Peter Francis to fight for every category down the back half of this season.
3.) Fighting Moles (73-58-13, 2nd West)
We all know about Purdleball but let’s talk about the real strategy revolutionizing the league…… Moleyball.
Moleyball utilizes a full deck of starting pitchers to overwhelm opponents with innings, in theory giving its wielder an advantage in K’s, W’s and QS, at the cost of saves. This year more than ever before, we’ve seen teams rely on this strategy. To date, there are four teams in the IMWT who have completely ditched relievers in favor of Moleyball.
Problem is, no one does it better than its founding uncle. The Fighting Moles are on pace to shatter the K record and lead the league in quality starts for the second year in a row.
Offensive consistency is the key to the Fighting Moles unlocking their full potential. To this point, we’ve yet to see this core put together a dominant three week stretch. Eventually, we’ll have to wonder if it will ever happen.
2.) Orbit’s Woody (81-57-6, 1st East)
First place Orbit’s Woody went out and added Clayton Kershaw, who paired with Klubot gives Bower a deadly top line when healthy.
At some point I will have to start probing Woody for weaknesses to exploit. Right now, there is nothing obvious. Which is good for Bower’s mental health, not good for the rest of the league.
1.) Team Sabermetrics (92-47-5, 1st World)
Team Sabermetrics has made no trades. Rarely streams. And is on pace for the best record in league history.
Scary thing is, I’m just getting started.