10.) The Malveys (42-74-4, 5th East)
While Big Bear was out wondering the bushwoggle, the Malvey’s pitching staff collapsed in on itself like a black hole TJ doesn’t believe in.
Injuries everywhere, Carlos Martinez pitching like he’s also on MDMA, things are not great in Bear country right now.
It wasn’t all that long ago when Malvey took a title away from me. Even last year, the Butter Brigade wasn’t a fun matchup in August/September.
The pitching has seen better days, but this offense is still pretty good. Now that Malvey is back from the forest, I’m hoping to see some of the magic mushrooms that made him a champion.
9.) Sleeping Monks (48-68-4)
It’s the Cleveland Browns, Sacramento Kings, Washington Redskins and Sleeping Monks when you talk about complete ineptitude in sports.
The failure of the Sleeping Monks’ front office to make anything of Mike Trout in his prime has its owner one phillipino hooker away from going full Donald Sterling.
Do you want to win now Farrell? You sure? Do you really think you need to hold onto Marcus Stroman with all your injuries?
Every year it’s the same story. Ohtani had a UCL tear BEFORE THE SEASON. Tarrell should have traded him after he had his first start pushed back. Now he isn’t even a keeper.
Are you really going to keep Kershaw that high next year if he doesn’t pitch 120 innings? 🤔 Or maybe you should look to add to your pathetic roster.
But sure enough come next year’s draft all we’ll hear about is how we should blow it all up, and how it isn’t fair.
The Sleeping Monks will never win anything as long as Tim Farrell is running the show. Write it in blood!!!
8.) Cubs Mascot Dong (43-68-9, 4th East)
CMD is on the brink but unlike baby brother, Bobby Network is still hunting his next move.
Truthfully, the 4 seed is still well within reach. CMD is a proud franchise. I don’t see the Bobfather letting Witchger take his playoff spot without a fight.
💡 May be time to pay up for an ace and start taking advantage of these blown up era’s.
7.) Trumboners (56-61-3, 3rd East)
The Trumboners clearly can’t hang in this era of pitching. Minimal starters, a bench heavy with unused bats, this once great maverick of our game looks like a dinosaur, the light in his eyes no longer sparkling with creativity or even the will to live.
Give me something, Purdle.. Find your Kim Jong Un.
6.) Marvin’s Room (50-64-6, 4th West)
Duuun dun…. Duuun dun…
Welcome back Paul Goldschmidt and Marvin’s Room.
5.) Dobis PR (58-54-8, 3rd West)
If you weren’t paying attention you may not have noticed the Dobis power surge taking place over the last few weeks. Peter Francis’ squad is near eclipsing the Fighting Moles atop the bench press leaderboard and with a better batting average.
4.) The Fighting Moles (63-47-10, 2nd West)
The Moles are shiny, and sometimes that can cover flaws.
In my mind, the Moles’ have one of the best scouting departments in the league. They sniff out talent with the best. But like Moles, Uncle is blind… Blinded by unconditional love.
When the Fighting Moles come home after a week batting .200, Uncle Brent is there to kiss them each on the forehead and tell them good job, instead of addressing the issues.
If it isn’t a sub .200 BA, it’s a 1.60 WHIP. Remember Brent, God have his only son for you. I think you can spare a couple.
3.) Yels Bells (67-48-5, 2nd East)
The only one who thought Yels Bells would be in this position at the midway turn was Wasky himself.
I can see it now: Witchger streaming 7 pitchers on championship Sunday to win the title followed immediately by Al Michaels’ chills inducing, “Do you believe in miracles?!?” call.
In a lot of ways, Bells is the the anti-trumboners – winning with strategy over blue chip talent.
Welcome to the chess club, Witchger. Good luck this week.
2.) Orbit’s Woody (69-45-6, 1st East)
Woody has been the class of the East for some time now. Even at mid season, it would be an absolute shock if anyone in that division were to upend this team.
Bower has my respect as a gm. I’ll be interested to see how much better Woody gets as the season moves into the 2nd half.
1.) Team Sabermetrics (74-41-5, 1st West)
Year after year I continue to teach this league what excellence looks like.
Injuries? Slumps? I have both. Two of my top 5 picks are either in a deep slump (Hoskins) or rehabbing (Cespedes). And yet here I am, nearly 35 games above .500.
Am I a genius? At this point I don’t think there is any question, I am.
In an era where pitching is king, I’ve built the best staff in the history of the league. And an offense in the top 3 in HRs.
Good luck to everybody else.