10.) Make America GRONK Again (1-6, 5th Public Pool)
Last Week: 10 (L 62-96 Butter Kareem)
The last two weeks MAGA has scored 61 and 62 points… if this were last year, we would be getting tired of seeing Sean’s dick in the group chat every Tuesday morning by now.
Ty Montgomery is struggling to hold off Aaron Jones for the Green Bay backfield. Demaryius Thomas still calls Trevor Semien “Peyton” because he wants to remember the good old days.. It’s getting ugly and sadly there is no savior in sight.
It’s about pride for Dubbies now.
9.) Hizemon Trophy (2-5, 4th Public Pool)
Last Week: 3 (L 81-88 DeMarco Rubio)
The Kicker woes continue for Hizemon Trophy. Yes, kicker. Somehow, my season high at the kicker position is an inconceivable 6 points. Even with a ballsy (or desperate) Aaron Jones play working out, it’s hard to win when your kicker scores negative points.
Falling to 2-5 on a Monday night garbage TD almost feels appropriate being that it was two years ago to the day when I lost to Grant after the Pats D put up a -5 in that Monday night Patriots-Chiefs debacle.
So now here we are in a must win situation, getting 6-1 Butter Kareem next week with motivation to knock me out. Is this how it ends?
8.) Hung Like A Horse (3-4, 5th Country Club)
Last Week: 7 (L 74-118 Better Wear Jimmy’s)
Hung Like A Horse is still hanging around, but just barely. Cam Newton has to be Superman for this team to go. Right now, even Supercam may not be enough.
If we know one thing it’s that Marshawn gonna do Marshawn, and we love him for it.. just not when it’s getting him suspended. Beastmode may already be halfway into his inevitable transition to lovable reality tv star.
Unfortunately, the collateral damage from the Aaron Rodgers’ injury is Jordy Nelson’s status as a WR1. Brett Hundley’s ineptitude Sunday makes it hard to see a scenario where Hung Like A Horse wins seven games.
Then again, we’ve seen crazier shit happen… Team Young is up next with Witchger needing a win to keep from falling out of contention.
7.) Booby Irish (3-4, 2nd Public Pool)
Last Week: 6 (L 59-110 ’16 Co Champ)
A week after pulling a miracle on ice vs undefeated Hilger, Booby Irish came crashing back down to Earth Sunday. Fact is, it’s hard to compete without your two best players.
That’s not all. Don’t forget to add Larry Fitz losing his quarterback to the pile of bodies in Booby’s basement.. With Moncrief forced into this week’s lineup, AP on a Bye and Lamar Miller at Seattle, Booby Irish already has the look of a 3-5 team.
6.) ’16 Co Champ! (3-4, 4th Country Club)
Last Week: 9 (W 110-59 Booby Irish)
Heyyy Otter, way to go bud. You are in fact, trending up, up, up!
There just aren’t many teams who can say they have two feature running backs getting 20+ touches a game. Mark Ingram’s emergence puts our Co-Champ in a club you want to be in.
Sadly, Marve couldn’t land Otter anything resembling a reliable receiver in the draft. Terrelle Pryor and Martavis Bryant already look like two of this year’s biggest busts. Stefon Diggs too, hasn’t played in three weeks.
Nothing a few trades can’t fix right up!
Playing a Dubbs team missing both arms and a leg this week puts the 2016 Co-Champ in excellent position to climb back into contention. Never would I have guessed that by week 8 I would be jealous of the team starting Chris Hogan and Pierre Garçon.
5.) DeMarco Rubio (4-3, 3rd Country Club)
Last Week: 4 (W 88-81 Hizemon Trophy)
Yes, the only team yet to break 90 points is 4-3 and riding a three week win streak. It’s easy to forget that last year, Wags was just one point in Week 11 away from making the playoffs with five Washington Redskins on the roster. So it’s really hard to say whether Grant has been lucky or unlucky.
However, I will say it is a little Wags-ish to under sell a perennial top five quarterback to go all in on Alex Smith. Not that Chris Thompson isn’t talented, it’s just hard for me to make that kind of investment in a running back getting less than 10 carries a game.
Even with all the winning, Wags falls a spot because well, nagging injuries to Demarco Murray and Kelvin Benjamin combined with Devante Adams sans Aaron Rodgers have made DeMarco Rubio a worse team. They don’t pay me the big bucks for no reason.
Little DeMarco will need all of that luck this week against Tinder Steve and the Jimmies.
4.) Team Young (3-4, 3rd Public Pool)
Last Week: 5 (L 102-108 Bell Me Blazer)
Team Young may have lost last week but it doesn’t take away from the fact that Uncle is playing his best ball of the season right now.
If you go by points scored, this roster boasts the top running back, another in the top 10, the second best receiver, and two quarterbacks in the top five at their position. Oh and Amari Cooper just slammed shut his buy-low window with a 200 yard, 19 target freak show performance on Thursday night.
Yes, I like Team Young going forward.
3.) Bell Me Blazer (4-3, 2nd Country Club)
Last Week: 8 (W 108-102 Team Young)
Tarrell did it! Back to back wins earns Tim what he has secretly always wanted but never had the courage to admit…… my respect.
Julio looks ready to take off, Leveon is jogging for 10 yards every other carry, and Evan Engram is the tight end you should have stolen in the 11th round.
When you look around the league you won’t see many teams more complete from QB to Kicker. You could also say there just aren’t that many good teams.
Bell Me Blazer is a Demarco Murray injury away from becoming a team we have to consider anointing as a true title contender.
Tarrell can finally separate from the pack with a win over Booby Irish this week.
2.) Butter Kareem (6-1, 1st Country Club)
Last Week: 2 (W 96-62 MAGA)
Last week was a yawner for our #2 team. To give some perspective of Butter Kareem’s dominance, Hilger’s lowest scoring output this year would be the second BEST week for 4-3 DeMarco Rubio.
Another masterclass in trading landed Butter Kareem Drew Brees. Hilger just keeps finding ways to upgrade.
This week Butter Kareem looks to bury Hizemon Trophy right there next to Dubbs.
1.) Better Be Wearing Jimmy’s (6-1, 1st Public Pool)
Last Week: 1 (W 118-74 Hung Like A Horse)
Between getting 39 points from Zeke on a 6-1 team, becoming an uncle and falling in love, we have to ask… has there ever been a better time to be a Purdle?