10.) Make America GRONK Again (1-3, 5th Public Pool)
Last Week: 4 (L 44-119 Better Be Wearing Jimmy’s)
I just got done watching the Ken Burns Vietnam War doc and what happened to Dubbs last week reminded me very much of the battle of Ap Bac… that is to say there were many casualties.
In one fell swoop Dubbs lost both of his top running backs, both will presumably miss extensive time. Dalvin we know now, is going to miss the rest of the season with a torn ACL. Even Mariota left early with a hamstring. Fantasy football just isn’t fair sometimes.
As a fellow victim of catastrophic injury, my thoughts and prayers are with Dubbies as he tries to salvage a season in the face of 65 point projections every week. Anything is possible against Hung Like A Horse this week.
9.) Hung Like A Horse (1-3, 5th Country Club)
Last Week: 8 (L 60-68 ’16 Co Champ)
That makes it 3 of 4 weeks for Hung under 75 points. With Matt Ryan looking Andy Daltonish right now, running back depth has increasingly become an issue. We have Carlos Hyde with his hip and Marshawn Lynch toiling in a struggling offense right now. And that’s about all there is.
If this were Barton’s Discount warehouse, Pete could maybe sell a couple of those beat up microwaves to some dusty sack on the South side. Unfortunately, fantasy football isn’t like fantasy baseball where you can just reach down for a free agent and feel like its a fresh start. It’s going to be very important for Peter to nail his #1 waiver claim.
At 1-3 I would just about call this week a must win. And who better to face than Dubbs coming off two devastating injuries?
8.) What Happened (1-3, 4th Public Pool)
Last Week: 10 (L 109-123 Bell Me Blazer)
Nobody is pitying themselves, Otter. That’s not why the fantasy gods are doing this to me. This is all just big a test. Derek Carr has been taken away and by extension my beautiful Flex, Michael Crabtree.
109 points wasn’t enough to get to 2-2 but it does put me at the top of a pile. A stinky pile, but at the top no less. Now it’s time to start stringing wins together. Doug Martin is the shining light through the darkness. I WILL WEATHER THIS STORM.
7.) DeMarco Rubio (1-3, 4th Country Club)
Last Week: 5 (L 73-81 Butter Kareem)
A week after Kelvin Benjamin puts up a 0 while TY and Demarco Murray combine for 38 on the bench… Kelvin Benjamin scores more points in week 4 than both combined.. on the bench. Is fantasy football the worst or is fantasy football the fucking worst?
Wags will have to find a way to beat the littlest Farrell this week without the services of Drew Brees or have to face the harsh reality of 0-4.
6.) ’16 Co Champ (2-2, 3rd Country Club)
Last Week: 9 (W 68-60 Hung Like A Horse)
What better way to celebrate a new marriage than winning a fantasy football matchup by the score of a Wisconsin-Minnesota basketball game? The People’s Co-Champ is averaging a whopping 67 points per game after the first month.. shockingly not good. Lol at the end of the day though, there’s only one number that matters… yuuup, that’s 2-2 babyyy. (Two numbers)
My sincerest congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Hilger, I can only hope that someday I’ll be allowed to meet the wonderful lady that signed up for the mustache ride of her life.
Next week Otter will look to shock the world with a win over his red, undefeated little brother.
5.) Bell Me Blazer (2-2, 2nd Country Club)
Last Week: 8 (W 123-109 What Happened)
Julio Jones didn’t have 30 last week, but Le’Veon Bell sure did.
69-92 was the score before Colts-Seahawks kicked off. By the 12:25 mark in the second quarter, Bell Me Blazer’s win was all but inevitable. Two scores by the Seattle’s defense and three more from Russy helped give Tom the league’s highest point total last week.
The problem of course is that thanks to the Colts breaking Chris Carson’s leg, after Le’Veon, there isn’t another running back on the roster Tim can feel good about getting eight carries. The bigger problem: He has to start two of them next week.
Tommy wasn’t a happy camper with me for the things I wrote yesterday, but I think he feels better now that he’s 2-2 and in a prime position in the division. Bell Me Blazer gets Demarco Rubio next week without Drew Brees.
4.) Team Young (2-2, 3rd Public Pool)
Last Week: 3 (L 80-99 Booby Irish)
The verdict is in: Todd Gurley is back and he does it all now. Last week it wasn’t enough to win but 80 points is a solid total if only one player is going to show up on Sunday.
The real story on Team Young is this QB nightmare we are watching unfold. Four weeks, four different quarterbacks. Of those four starts, the best performance was a pedestrian 15 points. The worst? An unfathomable -4 from the red rifle…
2-2 bides some time, but going forward we have to wonder if Uncle Brent will make a move or continue to ride the carousel of QB mediocrity.
This week Team Young gets a nice break lining up across from an undefeated King Purdle with half his troops out on Bye.
3.) Booby Irish (2-2, 2nd Public Pool)
Last Week: 6 (W 99-80 Team Young)
Impressive win from Booby Irish last week. It’s a really good sign to see Lamar Miller getting in the endzone. Bob sits at 2-2 now with a respectable point total to back it up.
I may have underestimated Booby Irish in my preseason projection. The way the league is trending, 85 points is winning you most weeks. Booby Irish is built to score 85 points.
If Bobby can consistently make the right call at flex, eight wins isn’t out of the question. Booby Irish will have their hands full against an increasingly desperate What Happened squad.
2.) Butter Kareem (4-0, 1st Country Club)
Last Week: 2 (W 81-73 Demarco Rubio)
Butter Kareem was able to grind out another win last week to take firm control of the Country Club division. Can’t believe I’m saying this, but we’re only a month in and it’s hard not to imagine Hilger in the playoffs.
That said, last week Butter Kareem showed they aren’t perfect. With no more than 16 yards on the ground the last three weeks, you have to wonder how many touchdowns are there for Christian McCaffrey if he stays in the glorified slot receiver role. Joe Mixon too, disappointed in his first real opportunity to seize that job.
Dez Bryant did look good though, and frankly the rest of the Country Club division is a joke. Hilger has the whole regular season to find a reliable RB2. I’m jealous!
5-0 is a real possibility this week for Butter Kareem getting the ’16 Co-Champ on the road.
1.) Better Be Wearing Jimmy’s (4-0, 1st Public Pool)
Last Week: 1 ( W 119-46 MAGA)
King Purdle continues to separate from the pack. 4-0 has never looked easier. BBWJ is outscoring opponents by an average of 40 points. That is domination the likes of which we haven’t seen before in the BCGL.
Purdle’s undefeated record is in jeopardy this week, if only because more than half his team is on vacation. This could be the only window to make a trade with King Purd, as I’m starting to think his old lady takes away his phone when he gets home.
Either way if BBWJ, an acronym that would make for a fascinating porn search, can pull it out against Team Young… running the table isn’t out of the question. Let’s see what kind of rag tag lineup King Purdle can put together this week.