25 weeks later, we have a champion. Congratulations to Orbit’s Woody on winning perhaps the most competitive season in league history. All four playoff teams were well worthy, but it was Bower who showed the guts to deal a batting champion for the shot at 800 big ones and a brand new IMWT championship trophy.
Before we wrap up the season, I want to go over the storylines for each team this year, pass out a few awards and while I have you, caress my ego a little bit:
STILL, NO TEAM HAS EVER WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP WITHOUT FIRST BEATING ME. THE ROAD TO A TITLE STILL GOES THROUGH SABERMETRICS!!!
Orbit’s Woody (128-107-17, 1st East)
– One year after missing the playoffs by one game, Orbit’s Woody conquered every demon on the way to Bower’s first title.
– Bower made six trades this year, the last two controversially coming in the playoffs. Who thought Orbit’s Woody would be standing at the finish line without Freddie Freeman or Jose Altuve on the roster. The acquistion of Corey Kluber in late July set the stage for Orbit’s Woody’s transformation into a true title contender.
Marvin’s Room (130-107-15, 3rd West)
– Almost. For most of this season, it looked like this would be was Marve’s year. And then it didn’t, and then it did again. Luckily for the rest of us, we’ll get at least another year safe from the terror that would have been reigning champion Marve.
– A new standard for hustle. Marvin’s Room shattered the record for most pickups this year, breaking his own mark set last season with 154 trips to the waiver wire.
The Fighting Moles (136-102-14, 1st West)
– Aaron Judge and Giancarlo Stanton. Uncle finished with the best record in the regular season thanks to an astonishing 111 home runs from his two big bombers. Aaron Judge in the 24th round is perhaps the best keeper in league history.
Team Sabermetrics (137-106-9, 2nd West)
– Controversy! Again! More than several incidents led to outrage across the league. The Berrios flip I can understand, the Edwin trade and the 24 hours later freak out was more snowflake than a gay wedding at the DNC. And don’t forget the Todd Frazier for Danny Salazar veto! Sitting players in response to accusations from Berriosgate would end up costing Sabermetrics the West division title.
– Trades. I managed to execute a trade with over half the league, transforming an underperforming offense into one of the league’s best by season’s end.
– Sustained excellence. For the fourth year in a row, Sabermetrics finished 30+ games above .500 and was among the four teams competing for a title.
Yels Bells (112-123-17, 4th East)
– Peter embraced the streaming revolution and finished 4th in the league in wins with a pedestrian staff sans Kershaw.
– A memorable 36-20-4 run from July to mid-August put Bells squarely in playoff contention before a late season fade.
Dobis PR (108-130-14, 4th West)
– Streaks. For the second year in a row Dobis got out of the gate strong before experiencing an all too familiar mid season collapse. At one point this season Dobis PR had won 7 of 8 matchups, only to finish the season going 8 straight weeks without a win.
Laotian HumminaHumminas (98-142-12, 5th East)
– Even-year excellence. Falvey’s follow up to a 2016 runner up finish was a wire to wire residency in the IMWT cellar. 2016: 146-94-12, 2017: 98-142-12.
– Dreamkiller. Even in a lost season, Big Bear made his mark, going 23-10-3 against playoff hopefuls over a crucial three week stretch at the end of the year.
– New beginnings. Falvey enters 2018 with a new core. Many keepers came and went over the course of this season. Goodbye MadBum and Jose Ramirez, hello Kris Bryant and Wilson Contreras.
Cubs Mascot Dong (116-121-15, 3rd East)
– Blockbusters. Bobby Network dropped three of the biggest trades IMWT has ever seen this season, one of those mega deals controversially taking place in the first round of the playoffs. CMD sent away 9 players and acquired 9 players through the fine art of networking. Those players included the likes of Jose Altuve, Kris Bryant, Jose Ramirez, Madison Bumgarner, Freddie Freeman and Corey Kluber.
– For the first time on record, CMD finished the season under 130 wins and out of the playoffs. A loaded offense coming into 2018 gives Bobby hope to get back on track.
Sleeping Monkeys (105-130-17, 5th West)
– Sophomore slump. In his second season, Tim actually lost more games than his debut. Hopefully lessons were learned, but we won’t be sure until 2018.
– Bitching. Nobody complained more than Tim. He was the oppressed all season long. He led an unrighteous veto and once spent an entire day calling me a cheater privately. If only the system would let him win.
Donald J Trumboners (120-122-10, 2nd East)
– Purdleball, we will never forget you. Five closers, two relief pitchers and three starters. The Trumboners were lucky to break 30 innings some weeks. Purdle improv’d a strategy that ended up being one of the league’s biggest talking points for most of the season. Until Purdle completely abandoned it. Goodbye forever Purdleball!!!
Most Valuable Manager
Kevin Bower – Our champion made six trades and built far and away the most consistent offense, dominating the league with a ridiculous .287 average. Bower sacrificed is best player, Jose Altuve, to complete what would become a loaded, devastatingly efficient staff in the playoffs. The East division runaway winner and eventual league champ is our manager of the year.
Brent Young – Uncle Brent went from worst to first in the West division thanks to a strong draft and superior H2H management skills. The Fighting Moles’ 32 win improvement is the most drastic in the league, making Uncle the clear and deserved winner of this award.
Only six months until we line up to do it all again. See you all next year!!!