Week 4 Picks

Fuck spreads we’re going to try and pick ’em straight up. I feel prettyy good about my picks this week, so don’t be surprised if I go undefeated.

But first, the edit of the week:

Tampa Bay Buccaneers v San Francisco 49ers

We’ll start here because Thursday night carries a lot of weight in this one. Both the Bears and Packers are coming off an emotional win last week. I see this as being an Aaron Rodgers game. One of those primetime performances where afterwards Trent Dilfer and Jon Gruden masturbate to replays of a perfectly thrown back-shoulder fade to Jordy Nelson. Combine that with my feeling that Todd Gurley slows down this week in Dallas and you get my winner.

Prediction: Booby Irish 86-79

I changed my mind. Looking at the matchups, I’m not ready to give Butter Kareem their first L. Demarco at Houston, Jacoby Brissett in Seattle coming off a loss… I know I went DeMarco originally but I hadn’t slept the night before and I wanted to get a headline. Give me Hilger in this one.

Prediction: Butter Kareem 95-82

Ezekiel Elliot projected for 18? Oh boy. I think this matchup plays closer than it looks on paper. Gronk needs a big day but not so big that it pushes Tommy Touchdown into the high 20’s. That isn’t a scenario you feel great about. I’m liking Dubbs to get out early and Purdle to finish it off Sunday night.

Prediction: Better Be Wearing Jimmy’s 92-83

ESPN has this as the closest matchup this week. I’m worried Hung Like A Horse comes in a little banged up between Jordy’s quad and Carlos Hyde with his hip. And there’s a part of me that thinks LeSean McCoy goes off a week removed from the Denver’s suffocating Run D… That said, I think Otter is going to have some indecision come Sunday and frankly I couldn’t tell you if C. Hogan is Cliff or Chris.. so I’m going with Hung to limp to a victory.

Prediction: Hung Like a Horse 78-72

Bell Me Blazer is laying 26 points on What Happened in ESPN’s projection model. That is a little fucked up. Not wrong necessarily, but definitely fucked up. This is an important week and to be transparent, I am trying to trade out of a certain Chris Johnson situation. But being that this is one of those weeks where I need my kicker to get 18. It’s hard to find enough points on my side that would justify an upset.

Prediction: Bell Me Blazer 88-70


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