First let’s check in on the top three teams from the preseason prediction edition:
Combined record: 8-1
The last three? 3-6… I guess that’s why you pay me the big bucks.
10.) What Happened (1-2, 5th Public Pool)
Last Week: 5 (L 55-86 Team Young)
As I watched 32 year old Chris Johnson plunge into the back of an Arizona offensive lineman for another 1 yard gain, I began to understand what it must be like to be Hillary Clinton.
While I agree her face is as punchable as any, in that moment I could empathize with the former presidential front-runner. I was once at the top just like Hillary, before scandal and shitty wifi took it’s toll. And now I too will be writing a book to make sure everyone knows the world is against me, and that it isn’t my fault my once proud fantasy franchise is forced to start Chris Johnson another week.
Ben and Hillary, arm and arm, complaining about things no one else but them cares about anymore. What could be annoying about that.
So here I am, 1-2, slowly dying and hoping Doug Martin is the cure. I need a trade. But without the depth I typically enjoy, I have to be very careful. It will take every ounce of my genius to pull off a friendly deal that doesn’t completely neutralize my strengths. Godspeed DJ. Godspeed.
9.) ’16 Co Champ (1-2, 5th Country Club)
Last Week: 9 (L 56-100 Better Be Wearing Jimmy’s)
When you score in the 50’s, it has to be nice to be able to come home, kiss your future wife and look up at the shiny 2016 Co-Champ trophy knowing that no matter what happens this year, you’re already a winner in our eyes.
Right now there are a lot of problems with this team, although nothing a little Sonny Weaver magic can’t solve (Otter, if you haven’t seen Draft Day with Kevin Costner, you need to. Because you are Sonny Weaver and I will continue to make that comparison). Trading for Mark Ingram was a solid start to what we can only anticipate being the first of many fun trades from our Co-Champ
If I’m Otter I’m making it clear to my squad that nobody is safe. That all roster spots must be earned from this day going forward. Not one player in this lineup has been close to consistent this year.
I don’t want to single anyone out, LeSean, but if you’re going to have a QB controversy in Week 3, the guys you paid a high price for better be playing well. Right now, that isn’t the case and Otter is suffering for it.
8.) Bell Me Blazer (1-2, 4th Country Club)
Last Week: 7 (L 71-90 Butter Kareem)
Le’Veon Bell finally made it into the endzone and Captain Kirk had his bounce back performance, but it wasn’t enough for Bell Me Blazer to pull the upset last week.
The I Can’t Believe I’m This Buttered Stat of the Week, brought to you by Grizzly Wintergreen: Not counting QB’s, Bell Me Blazer has scored one touchdown as a team if you combined the output from Weeks 1 and 3. That is very, very hard to do folks.
With that in mind, I’m going to go out on a huge limb here and say Tarrell is probably underperforming. Touchdowns can be fickle and there are encouraging signs on the bench. Russell Wilson and Kirk Cousins could be a weekly headache, but I’m optimistic we’ll see a mini rebound here.
Let’s find out if Julio can score 40 this week against me this year.
If Bells’ goes down to Chris Johnson and an injured Rob Kelley this week, don’t be surprised if we see Tom kneeling during Monday night’s National Anthem.
7.) Hung Like A Horse (1-2, 3rd Country Club)
Last Week: 9 (W 90-72 Demarco Rubio)
Witchger is on the board thanks to big time performances from Carlos Hyde and his top two receivers. After a two week start that had Hung looking like 0-16 was a possibility, Wasky managed to squeeze out 90 points last week.
Sounds promising right? Wrong. Here’s where shit really gets fucked up..
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6.) Booby Irish (1-2, 4th Public Pool)
Last Week: 6 (L 97-106 MAGA)
97 points wins probably wins you the matchup 90% of the time this year, unfortunately someone has to get Dubbs on his best week.
Booby Irish has mostly been as expected so far. Solid but unspectacular.
When you get past the no doubters like ARod, MG, Lamar Miller, Odell and Fitz, I don’t know that there is anyone that you really feel good about at flex every week. As much as I love Adam Thielen. Eddie Lacy was supposed to be that guy and he may be cuttable now.
It’s going to be important for Booby to continue to build around the four main workhorses going forward. It is encouraging to have Odell back pretending to piss on visiting stadiums again. Going to need more a lot more of that.
Big week with everyone bunched up at 1-2, Bobby knows theres a big difference between 1-3 and 2-2.
5.) DeMarco Rubio (1-2, 2nd Country Club)
Last Week: 4 (L 72-90 Hung Like A Horse)
Waggsy got a harsh reminder this week that you can’t get too cute in Fantasy Football. I’ve had two kidney surgeries and there are few things more painful than making a last minute lineup decision that nets a -36 on the scoreboard and costs you the week.
So while Grant’s manager rating takes a hit, I’m choosing to look at the bright side with this ranking. If last week means TY and Demarco are back after slow starts, that gives Demarco Rubio a tremendous bump in the projections going forward.
If 7-6 gets you into the playoffs, Wags can’t afford to give away any more W’s. That said, I’m taking Demarco Rubio to upset Butter Kareem this week based on absolutely nothing. Take it to the bank, Witchger.
4.) Make America GRONK Again (1-2, 3rd Public Pool)
Last Week: 10 (W 106-97 Booby Irish)
That makes back to back weeks now over 85 points for Team Dubblin. Somehow, Gronk has managed to avoid serious injury every Sunday so far and that 106 points last week has Dubbies in the streets chanting MAGA! MAGA!. Go ahead and add another $40 to the date night jar.
While I don’t believe the receivers here come with the most week to week dependability or upside, this is shaping into a well rounded starting lineup.
I would like to see the Delanie Walker, Gronk situation smoothed out. I think there are upgrades that could be made to other positions should Dubbs decide to move one. But in the meantime, MAGA has the best TE situation in the league and has posted back to back solid weeks.
Dubbs can pull a big time upset this week if he can match up with the undefeated Purdles.
3.) Team Young (2-1, 2nd Public Pool)
Last Week: 2 (W 86-55 What Happened)
Even getting nothing from 80% of the lineup, Todd Gurley and Jordan Howard were enough to handle business last week. Credit to Uncle for not jumping off the Jordan Howard ship too early and trusting his keeper to deliver after two no-shows to start the season.
When you win despite 1’s and 0’s at key positions, that is the fantasy gods giving a little one of these . Or you could just be playing against Chris Johnson, sometimes it’s hard to tell.
My early praise of Team Young’s depth has been vindicated. This team has more receivers than the home theater section at Best Buy. Which to me says a trade is coming. I’m like Storm Team 6 when it comes to sensing when the climate is ripe for a trade to begin to take shape.
Team Young gets Booby Irish this week.
2.) Butter Kareem (3-0, 1st Country Club)
Last Week: 3 (W 90-71 Bell Me Blazer)
Kareem Hunt is that girl you always thought was hot under the radar but didn’t ask out when you had the chance because you thought she had a bf so you settled for her washed up friend, and then right after you blow it she becomes famous and now you’re stuck taking your washed up mistake out to brunch at the local Cracker Barrell every Sunday for the rest of your life. That’s how I feel at least.
Hilger and his impressive collection of rookies are breezing by the rest of the Country Club Division after the first three weeks. It’s rare to have one team up 100 points on the rest of their division this early, but for Joe it must feel like deja vu.
Kareem Hunt isn’t going to run for 3000 yards I don’t think, but if you’re like most and expect the young guys to get better as they adjust to the pace of the NFL, Butter Kareem could be even more formidable by Week 12.
And that’s without mentioning skinny Andrew Luck getting the okay to come out of Jim Irsay’s bomb cellar and throw passes this week.
Hilger will take his undefeated record on the road to take on Demarco Rubio this week.
1.) Better Be Wearing Jimmy’s (3-0, 1st Public Pool)
Last Week: 1 (W 100-56 ’16 Co Champ)
Three up, three down for King Purdle. My question is, how did nobody see the Zeke ruling getting overturned? From what I’ve read, there are still some questions as to whether his case will get thrown back into the legal mess, but as it is now Purdle has himself a machine.
When you think about it, fantasy football plays right into the Purdle patented approach. Set your lineup, withdraw back into the comfy confines of your shell, pick up the check Tuesday morning. Lather, rinse, repeat. Because when you’re the king, they let you do it.
With all his wealth, I can only hope that Steve with his new phone, will pick up when the needy come calling this week.
Stovenheim marches south this week to show Dubbs what MAGA is really all about.